Daniel L. Maltz and Ruth A. Barker: A Cultural Approach to Male-Female Miscommunication (in Language and Gender ed. Jennifer Coates)

This paper surveys work by scholars in a number of fields whose findings and frameworks can be used to throw light on problems in cross-sex informal conversations. The model is first taken from the approach to difficulties in cross-ethnic communication.

Sociologists have shown that, even though children in America (and UK) go to mixed sex schools, it is customary for girls to play with girls and boys with boys. Each sex therefore grows up with separate views on the purpose of conversation – girls (as we saw in my last blog) for creating supportive relationships and boys for control and problem solving. The authors refer to fascinating research into the differences between girls’ games and boys’ games.One very interesting area is the part played by interruptions by listeners in informal conversations. Women interject noises such as “Mmh” more than men. What women mean by these is “I am listening. Please go on.” Men, however, get impatient with such interruptions and, what is more, interpret them (wrongly) as indications of agreement. This can cause trouble later when they find their listener does not support them and leads to accusations of women’s unreliability!

This is another paper which shows how much can be learned from sociolinguistic studies – matters which, until recently, have been the subject of myth and mystery.